the myth is that women are gold diggers. while this is true to some regard that a lot of women are out there to get theirs from yours; can we stop acting like men don’t go in for the kill and take a bitch for all she is worth? not just our bodies, when a man decides to use you, they go for our souls.
i’ve been had more than once.
it’s the boyfriends that sleep over all the time and never contribute to the bills or rent. sometimes they have their own places to go to. but if you fall behind, as far as they’re concerned if a bill has to be paid and you don’t have the money, it’s not their problem. this is extremely prevalent among women who receive any form of public assistance: food stamps, subsidized housing, even if that means projects. forget it all if she has kids and gets that earned income credit once a year. the scavengers are out.
i’ve been had by worthless boyfriends excited to eat my food stamp meals, but would be quick to dismiss me as a worthless bitch when shit hit the fan. mind you, they would never contribute to meals but would sit there and have items on the grocery list.
i remember the time my baby daddy told me the apt i went through hell to get by sleeping on cold chairs in a homeless shelter while being pregnant with his baby, degraded by the system, a teenage mother who had to leave the home of my disgruntled mother; enduring mice eating my food i got for me and my toddler son, and taking baths in bathrooms with shit smeared on the walls; said that apartment wasn’t mine. it was the government’s! i didn’t “have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of”. he was about 5 yrs older than me. and if he wasn’t living with me he was going back to mommy and daddy.
then there was Bush, who lived with me for 7 months. and while he was my live-in told people at the office where we both worked that, “just because i’m fuckin’ her don’t mean she my girl.” he was ashamed i was a nude model and former stripper, but that didn’t stop him from sleeping in the bed the government help me get and the subsidized apartment; or from claiming to be paying child support and never had any money. his BM would later tell me he never paid child support. but when tax time came he was happy to go shopping with the money i got for my children, sometimes taking money from me without asking. or eating all the food stamp meals. when he and i broke up, he made sure to let me know i was a bitch “who ain’t got shit. and will never have shit.”
i won’t talk about meeting the overseas men who hear the american accent and think, MONEY! stealing my little money or just plainly watching me pay for things knowing i am low on funds while they look on crying broke.
don’t get it fucked up. it’s also the husbands who do absolutely nothing for your household. some of us have thought that the certificate would make him want to be a provider. it’s either he is or he isn’t.
and back to my baby daddy. one year as i was young and living on my own with the kids for the first time, he took advantage of my ignorance. filed tax returns for both my kids. one of whom didn’t belong to him and he made sure to call a “stupid ass” once upon a time when he was a toddler. he never told me how much money he got back for the kids, just that it wasn’t much. and bought me a $70 microwave which him and his dusty ass mama “split” the cost of. i would later come to realize that he received $8000-$10000 back. the next year when i got hip and my mother had finally done some mothering, i filed for my kids myself for the first time. needless to say, he was PISSED.
i know women after women who have entrusted themselves in men. put their faith in loving them. helped them during difficult times financially, only to be burned by them down the line. one girlfriend i knew helped her boyfriend with $10,000 to help him on his journey to becoming a pro-NFL player. he never did become an NFL player. and no matter what she thought was gonna happen, she never got her money back. in the end, she was called a nigger lover and dismissed by him.
i tell my daughter now, that if her BF is to sleep in the apt she is now looking for, that he HAS to contribute to something. he is not allowed to sleep there without doing anything. anytime i come across a man that plays broke, i remember what my grandmother once said to me, they’re lying. i remember all the countless times i’ve been told by older women that men always have something stashed, don’t believe them when they say they don’t. i’ve also heard this from the men that have cared about me throughout my life.
i think about my 1st pregnancy at 16, and desperately needing sneakers. i asked my now late, first baby daddy, if he could buy me a pair of sneakers: “can YOU buy ME a pair of sneakers!” he scoffed just before hanging up on me. at the time he had just started working a job paying him over a hundred dollars a day.
last year i met a guy overseas. we hit it off well. he was sweet, kind and generous, one night we went out to dinner. when the bill came he looked at it in shock. i took it from him and just covered it cause it was no big deal. the thought plagued me however; why would he take me to a restaurant if he knew he had no money? why didn’t he just tell me he didn’t have any money? that fucked with me for months and was the beginning of my distrust for him.
countless men who haven’t got their shit together find refuge in single women during their time of helplessness. women will, by any means necessary, make things work. one bitch whom i don’t like, rebooted her sex work career when her and her husband fell on hard times, with his encouragement and often times help. when he got sick of her he forgot how her selling sex helped support him and the kids and used her being a prostitute against her to have the courts grant him custody of their children.
countless men prey on women. i am expected, if i decided to seek loving comfort in a man’s arms and he is from a third world country, to come bearing gifts. i am not only a woman, but i am an american one. and if i have small children i am seen as wealth during the spring. my last apt was a 2 bedroom duplex, which one or two men i have tried to date saw as a glimmer of hope when their home lives were unstable.
an interesting lesson i learned from men. interesting because when you enforce this rule with men, they get pretty salty. that lesson was, if a man is not spending money on you, then he is not serious about you. this was my first lesson in whoring even though i was unaware. but it did always confuse me a bit. since i got this message from many of the men in my life growing up, why then were these very men upset at women who either sold sex or would in fact be gold diggers? this is the lesson a lot of young girls are taught. but men knowing this will still get pissed at a woman if she asks him for any kind of cash. regardless of that, it’s true. if he is not going in his pockets he is lying. struggle love is some bullshit. he either gets his shit together or you do what you need to make shit happen without him. of course there are exceptions to every rule. but again, MEN ARE TRASH. men have been using women for their monetary worth since forever. they look at us as a meal ticket, they’re way out. women would in some instances try to sell pussy than try and swindle some guy out of it. i know, #notallwomen
while a man doesn’t have to be pouring money, he should at least be trying to go above and beyond in making sure you are taken care of in this very hard world. if he is not doing above the basics, it’s time to lose him. unless you want to be poor with him and take this ride. it’s up to you. but please let’s stop acting like men aren’t pros at the gold digging game. they do it better than us because to be a man in a man’s world, means power. the only thing is that they can’t quite sell the sexuality like we do. but please believe, if their dicks were as taboo as our pussies and nipples, they’d be charging us triple what we do per hour.
make these scums pay cash money to enter and remain in your lives. you don’t owe them shit.
theme song: Amy Whinehouse, you know i’m no good