I was extremely hurt by the assumptions that I was undermining anyone’s hurt within this industry because for one I was completely being misunderstood. Instead of engaging in a healthy discussion where questions are asked to clarify a stance, I was immediately accused and ridiculed for my ideas and feelings. Secondly, as a woman (forget that I am in this work) I strongly believe that whatever happens to one of us, happens to all of us. Women world wide, from all walks of life, religions, professions, upbringings, on and on and on, are victims to abuses within society and their individual cultures. What that means is that at any given moment, no matter how classy, educated, beautiful or saintly you are, there will be some man (and more often than not) some woman who sees you as the lowest class of person and subjects you to level of abuse that range from physical, to the life scarring mental and emotional abuse.
I believe that if we as a community of workers and intellectuals could convince, or rather, expand the minds of most women in this world, we’d get them to understand and accept that if one woman gets killed for making choices with her body, life and time, you too are at risk of losing your life for reasons even less than that.
As a worker, I make the kind of victim that no one wants to care about. I make the kind of victim that we laugh at, vilify, ridicule and forget that within it all lied a beautiful human being who just wanted to be able to sustain this life. How could I not care about what happens to one of my fellow workers? Who would I be as an activist and proud worker be, if I weren’t aware of the atrocities that happens within this industry and not be hurt and upset by the mindless death that happens to one of us regardless of our gender or race?
It was insulting and wrong. And it took no intelligence for the attacks on my history and involvement in this game to take place. It was as mindless as the post that started the argument.
The post itself never said anything about those who were on drugs or got murdered. It specifically attacked women for making a choice to live their life how they want. It attacked them of not being intelligent or having enough skills to do something else. It attacked us for not having enough common sense to know what is degrading or devaluing, as if what is considered to be degrading is prewritten as opposed to being personal ideals.
Stop making it a point to bring up drug use and sex work. We don’t have to defend the integrity of drug addicted workers by constantly conflating it to an issue that so many others in many other industries throughout the world abuse. It does not go hand in hand with the work. If we don’t conflate drug use to the music industry, even when we are talking about how entertainers are ripped off by others in the greedy industry, then we can have a civil conversation around heauxing without talking about the many who abuse drugs while being a worker. Addiction is a factor of many issues within a person’s lives. They didn’t have to be a sex worker, it just so happens that they are.
Other things you can leave out of some conversations surrounding the work?
Lack of intelligence and skills. (Everyone who holds a job anywhere is not always the smartest person. But also everyone who isn’t in a place you think they should be in life also isn’t always an idiot)
Trafficking (All sex workers, even most of them may not be victims of trafficking. Also trafficking is not only limited to those in the sex trades. A lot of immigrant workers you use in your daily lives can easily be victims of trafficking.)
Bad parenting (Sometimes the work itself is important to holding together a family. Every good parent doesn’t sit home and bake cookies all fuckin day. Some good parents barely see their kids because they are always at work trying to make a living. Some negotiate their energy with someone else for money, and this in turn allows them to not only be home for their kid when they need to be. But to also keep money flowing through the economy by paying bills. There’s more than one kind of person that makes up a bad parent. But having all natural and life inducing sex [with a side order of money] doesn’t determine the commitment someone has or won’t have to their children.
(Lack of) Morals Every individual has their idea on what is morally acceptable and vice versa. Keep yours and let everyone else keep theirs too.
Diseases How many times have you gotten some pesky little STD or STI you didn’t want from someone you trusted that you also didn’t pay to be with? If the answer to that is even one time at all then diseases are not spread by those in the industry.
There’s a ton more of things. But I’m sick and tired of writing about this right now as I have other work to complete. It’s not that the dark side of the industry cannot and should not be discussed. It’s a question of why can’t we ever have a conversation around this work without making it a point to say there are so many who suffer in this industry. We rarely do that when we talk about other forms of work. Other work which, in fact needs to be looked at more crucially than the victimless crime of being a whore. Are we subconsciously trying to defend the criminality of the work when we do this? Because the talk rarely ventures off into a deeper discussion around addiction and what truly causes addiction. It tries to blame sex trades on addiction and I highly doubt that’s the underlying cause.
If we can’t think critically about what comes out of our mouths, or attempt to understand a different view without immediately going on the attack or becoming dismissive, maybe then we should shut our mouths.