Otto Warmbier

so it’s like, your friends said to you: don’t go see this guy. he is a known serial killer. if you go see him he will kill u. then u go see him anyway and he kills you. For the Otto Warmbier sympathizers.

BH

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Surprise bitch! Sex Workers are NORMAL!

So today I came across yet some more tragic shit talking about sex work being passed off as some educated think piece, when it’s really trite rhetoric that serves no purpose than to continue to stigmatize sex workers and their lives.

This trash came across my newsfeed http://www.haaretz.com/israel-news/.premium-1.793708 and by the looks of the links under that lazy diatribe, they are very much into the repressive language that keeps stigma thriving in this business. Yes, I called it that.

So, according to this, BULLSHIT, normal people do normal things but we should be shocked by it because these same normal people also have sex. The mothafucka that wrote this seems to think that what? Prostitutes don’t attend school? And who in the hell gave money for this “study”? Don’t even answer that, I think we already know.

This garbage write up continues with these risk factors that it seems only child prostitutes in Israel share. From physical and sexual abuse, bad relations to their parents, drug addiction, crime and dropping out of school. Then they continue to state the fuckin obvious, that [underaged] prostitution isn’t done for just money, but for drugs, housing and economic support. Has this jackass ever heard of marriage?

The language and shotty “research” in this piece is stigmatizing beyond all hell. Reinforcing bullshit beliefs that prostitutes couldn’t possibly be interested in more than being prostitutes. They accusation in this piece was that the workers don’t go to learn they go for an escape. OOOOOK. Are we missing the long historical point that prostitutes and other ladies/persons of the night have always been some of the most educated people you could ever meet?

Most of the girls used drugs. Define drugs? Pharmaceuticals or weed? I need to know what drug this crap research is talking about because there is no mention of it. And I got news for the person suckered into writing this mess, prostitutes, underaged or not, are not just the only ones that sleep for food, clothes and shelter. Some people stay in [other]shitty abusive relationships just for this very reason. Could this piece be also stating the obvious, that persons who sleep with other people for survival could potentially also be considered prostitutes? HMMMM. Watch your back folks. The partnership you are in is actually an act of prostitution. *TOLD YA!*

And I want to hear these girls tell me, unscripted, to my fuckin face, they spend the money they’ve earned quickly because they saw it as “dirty money.” Before and after my heauxing days, any money I got I spent fast and it wasn’t because I thought it was dirty. It was because, I NEEDED TO BUY THINGS. And when you live in poverty, as it seems these girls do and are doing what they need to to survive, when you get money you tend to spend it quick, CAUSE THINGS NEED TO BE PAID FOR. WTF! Who are the brainiacs that got involved with this shit???

Seriously the money spending part of this vomit is where I realized, the mothafucka that conducted this study made some, if not most of this shit up. He can’t be trusted.

I wonder, did this asshole ever look at other studies of women who do not live in impoverished  homes, rated the level of abuse they receive and if these abused girls tend to go back or are they more capable of taking of themselves because of their higher social status? Even though they are just teenagers?

I got news for everyone reading, sex workers young or old go to school because they want to learn. Sex workers always have been and always will be educated people, not because they are sex workers, but because they are fuckin human beings who want to learn. We are not just sitting around waiting to rub dicks! Most women in your lives have been abused physically, emotionally and psychologically. I reckon men as well, because the word is fucked up and people abuse each other. Different reasons arise for why someone is abused, but stop beating the world in the head with this sad hoe trope. Those who get abused don’t just automatically end up in the sex trades. Abuse is not just magically something that happens to us. It happens to damn near every fuckin person alive. So shut the fuck up with this lazy “research” already.

I have a question for these wanna be save-a-hoes: When you conducted the research with the girls that come from these poor families, did you offer them money for their time? Or did you think, like most people do, that they are not worth any money for your time, because afterall you are conducting research. I mean there is the high likelihood that money was given to the persons that were in control of these studies. Did you all spend it to fulfill your basic needs? And then created these dangerous responses. Or did you offer it as compensation to the girls that sound like, they actually need this money? Was housing, counseling, food, clothing or any other form of economic assistance offered to the poor subjects of this study or do you just enjoy making it seem as if women and girls who end up in this trade because it is a viable means of income so they can live in this crazy world, be shamed more by your brainless study?

I mean, I am legit just curious.

What was the sole purpose of this study other than to seem edgy and like you are caring because child prostitute is a hot topic these days?

This bullshit write up, which is now available on the world wide web, just adds fuel to the fuckin flame of the mindless population to believe that sex workers are poor, dumb and abused souls who won’t even get an education because they desire to be educated.

This study is straight trash and I think needs further investigation. We have all heard and seen this data before, somewhere, to some capacity, no matter where we live. In the end it’s all the same. Women in the sex industry are sad and need help. And when you are in a position to help, like, offer money for a study that is going to further stigmatize us. You just turn a blind eye, smile at your pen and paper and wonder why we are in this life.

I hate this fuckin vague ass piece (which won’t even cite the shit person that “helped” with this trite shit, working at an organization not mentioned. Wouldn’t the at risk youth want to know who the organization is that could potentially help their asses from their sad prostitiution lives?) I hate thiswith a fiery burning passion. This crock of shit has FURTHER INVESTIGATION written all over it. Get this shit off the internet.

BH

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How women are never allowed to love

I’m currently listening to a lot of love songs.

Not because I am in love or anything. But I am still getting over a rough year of romantic disappointments. I am listening to love songs because they are helping me to relax as I sit on my caffeine high an’ shit.

And as I am listening to one of the greats, Rihanna, sing about Same Ol’ Mistakes; it’s making me think about something: Damn. I am never allowed to love. Not by the men who continue to reject my advances of giving them my heart, but by society. My friends. My associates. Everyone has a fuckin opinion.

The new trend in dismissing my feelings has caused a hiatus between me and my sister wife. In response to a love affair with another far away man, she expressed her disappointment by saying “you can’t find someone that’s closer to do this with?” I was taken aback and tried to address the commentary civilly, but was accused of “attacking everything.” I guess we can only support friends who are upset about being hurt by failed love if the love interest lives around the corner. Otherwise, support retracted. Save the hurt from disappointment and high hopes for the locals hun. We all know true romance can’t happen when people live far from each other.

In my 20s if I met him on the bus, because he was driving one, I was told I didn’t have any standards. I’d date anyone.

Met him while walking down the street, while doing laundry, at the club, ’round the way: I should have known better than to be meeting men like that. There is a way to do this and that ain’t it.

When he was closer to me, I was asked to get over it, cause you know, I am better than that. I mean, I am. But can I grieve?

If I fucked him too fast: I was a slut and needed to “stop giving up my stuff!” Clearly I had ruined potentially great relationships by thinking having sex with a man was something we both wanted and could mutually share. Boy was I wrong.

If I tried to keep it my pants: he would get upset with me and leave. But not before insulting me. One guy, whom I knew for several years prior to us attempting to have sex, got so upset with me he started calling me the slut. “She is as easy as ABC, 123.” We never, ever had sex.

A doctor: I was out of my league.

Young: I should have known better.

Married: The invisible paper says you can’t break through the barrier.

Found out he was in a relationship and it crushed me: You have shitty taste in men. Why do you keep choosing these men (that exist in astronomical numbers and are incredibly hard to avoid meeting?)

One night stand that you just didn’t want to waste your time on, cause you know how this goes: Aw you shoulda tried! And get my fuckin feelings hurt again! nah. Then I am accused of giving up rather than, I don’t know, reading the fuckin tea leaves.

And one of the great kickers was hearing I had issues because anytime I needed some healing and guidance was because of heartbreak. I mean the nerve of me to love freely, openly, without judgment and expect love and respect in return. And when I don’t and it crushes me, I have salt rubbed in my wounds. I should have known better than to love. Silly human girl.

And if he was a client: I crossed the line of no return. Cause lord knows the men that walk into my room for love and sexual pleasure are completely off limits! There is no way my stone-cold robotic heart should even look at these people as humans even if I connected with them on a human level.

Too poor: Why you keep picking these broke mofos? I mean I thought love was an important factor. SIGH. Struggle love isn’t cute and I am way over this one myself.

He got money: Better have your own. And these money men are a force to be reckoned with. Play your cards right or get played. They got money. They don’t have time for you.

Too many abs: I mean girl. Look at how many abs he has. He is way to focused on that body to be concerned with you.

One isn’t a lonely number. I flourish in one! But it amazes me the different ways and types of men I have tried to love and was never able to get it right. But more importantly wasn’t allowed to mourn the failure with some sort of judgment coming form one way or the next. It’s interesting when you look back and think about it all. If you are not allowed to love anyone, but the one person who is suppose to be the magic one, then why did all these other mfkz come in the picture for?

Better yet. How is your utopia? Why the fuck are you behaving like it’s such a bad thing that I love? Sometimes I love good. And sometimes I love bad. Well, I can’t say I’ve loved good almost ever. But am I not worthy of even the effort. Sheesh.

BH

 

 

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VIDEO commentary: YT woman who impersonates WOC scammed us all

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Cop rapes sex worker in NYC then arrests her

THIS STORY WAS AN EPIC SCAM. A KYSER SOZE. A RACHEL DOLEZAL. AN ENTIRE COMMUNITY WAS SHAMMED BY A WHITE WOMAN IMPERSONATING A BLACK WOMAN, THEN BLAMING A LATINX WOMAN FOR IT ALL BEFORE ADMITTING SHE WAS AN EPIC LIAR.

In case it wasn’t clear. Cops are allowed to lie to, entrap, then have sex with prostitutes. After having sex with these prostitutes, on your taxpayer money nonetheless; these same cops then arrest said prostitute in the name of breaking the law.

SW

Let this sink in deep into your subconscious for a minute.

A cop. Hired and paid through taxpayer dollars to uphold the fuckin law. Is allowed to solicit sex through means of lies and coercion from a prostitute, then have sex with the worker. Then after ejaculating on your money, arrest, and jail the sex worker after.

I mean what can we expect when these are the same people allowed to kill another human being that poses no threat to them and get off, always?

Does this not ring familiar to some of your dating nightmares where say, a guy you met gets sex from you by lying? Then after he is done fucking you, calls you all types of sluts and bitches? Or even tries to pass you on to his boy? Or any other misogynistic shit that this toxic patriarchal society can come up with to degrade women and make them pay for having the nerve to have sex.

No question about it. If you feel the anti-sex work culture that the U.S. embraces is not about the hatred for women and women having agency over their bodies, you are a part of the problem. Here is the situation that just took place recently in NY. I included a quote from a social media friend that sums up the hypocrisy of the sex-crazed culture we live in. On one hand being a slut is embraced to some regard; so as long as you give it to men when they want it. (And of course so as long as you don’t let them work for it). On the other hand, if you decide to take that same slut behavior (that men really crave, want and desire) and get paid for it because why get fucked for free when you have bills?  American culture predominantly has an issue with it.

#AmIRight real housewives of America?

Fuck. Two friends and community members were entrapped and arrested by an undercover this weekend AFTER completing their session. This is info from the one who’s been released, the other is still in jail with no bail yet posted:

“NYC Sex workers should be aware that there is an undercover pig or C.I. rapist targeting FS sex workers off Backpage. He said his name was “Thomas Carvan” when we screened him but since he wasn’t our arresting officer, I haven’t been able to obtain his real name or badge number. He had us email someone who called themselves “Lucy Luxe” who had apparently seen him before and vouched for him. Please be careful out there!!”

So, you know, if your weekend includes edgy fun slutty activities or performance and media depicting SWers keep in mind that there are still very real consenting adults in the world doing these jobs who will not be getting to enjoy the ability to do those things and that there are people out there actually getting paid to seek out, assault and imprison them.

This post is not public, please copy and paste if you wish to help spread this info. #freebambi #norapistcops

If you’d be interested in contributing to the funds to help support Bambi, her release and obtaining legal council, please donate to venmo.com/lysistrata-nyc. This is the grassroots sex worker organization that Bambi and others founded and work on to support sex workers in need. They have had to help me one or two times to get out of a jam. You can follow updates from @RedUpnyc on twitter as well, as they have been tweeting heavily about it.

Since Bambi and her organization have things already set up, myself and The Black Sex Worker Collective won’t be taking donations for this at this time.

These arrests impact the lives of these people that do this work. This work that you callously joke about. And talk about as if you can just drop your education or day time jobs and just do because society has taught you that somehow this work is easy. If it were easy all of us would be rich. If it were easy we wouldn’t suffer from burn out. If it were easy there would be no sex worker rights movement asking you to respect our work, our lives, and stop assuming this work is easy because you are a lazy lay.

When sex workers get arrested it ruins our chances of getting housing and disrupts our basic needs for survival. We become targets for discrimination because how we choose to use our energy, through consent, is vilified and disrespected. Our rights to see and care for their families, who, believe it or not, is the reason why many of us do this work, are infringed upon. Imagine losing your right to live and be with and take care of your family because you would rather be paid for a service that society thinks you should give away for free?

State sanctioned rape should not be acceptable because you think sex is a right owed to you. #enddemandnow #norapistcops Sex work is about you as an individual to have the freedom to do with your body as you please. You may not agree with the work, but this isn’t about whether or not you want to do the work. If you don’t like sex workers, don’t hire us or become one of us. But you should respect us.

State sponsored rape should be a crime. If it can happen to us. It can happen to you.

BH

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Stop asking your hookers to be ready NOW

The “are you available now?” messages truly get under my fuckin skin.

Do you think that we just appear at your locations? We don’t actually have fairy ho mothers that just wiggle their magic wand and we can be dressed, at your location or have ours ready in a flash! We are whores not magicians. Book your sessions ahead. Give us time to be ready for you. This isn’t some hooker on demand shit. We aren’t just sitting pretty waiting for you to call us. Have some respect when you decide to do this shit.

The in call needs to be cleaned and suitable for you to be there and feel comfortable. You want to be in a room of trash on other people’s DNA? Can I wash my snatch? Refresh my breath? Can I make sure you have a clean glass to drink out of if you wanted wine or water? Can you respect our time though?

BH

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#NotASexWorker

I get it now. The reason why we hate sex workers is because we don’t like when women are in control of their own lives and destiny. I see it clear now, that to use sex, the thing that men think they are entitled to, as a means to an end–or to stay independent of men by making them pay for what they think is their birthright, truly disrupts the patriarchy and all this toxic masculinity.

On social media, I often times use the hashtag #NotASexWorker, when I come across news stories that depict some horrid shit happening to people of all ages who are well, NOT SEX WORKERS. The thing is that the trade and the women in the trade get blamed for so much shit that happens to them and within the general society, that I felt it was needed to highlight these tragedies by expressing how sex work had nothing to do with it. Some of the stories are really fuckin gruesome and heartbreaking. From cops raping children to women being murdered by their husbands.  It may seem a bit heartless to tag a post with the hashtag, but it’s also heartless to keep regulating my body with bullshit reasoning when men (and yes I know sometimes women) go on taking advantage of people, committing unspeakable crimes against others, then talk about how sex work is the root to all these problems when clearly it’s NOT.

One of the main themes that had me start this hashtag was the institution of marriage. In this first of many episodes of #NotASexWorker let’s focus on these bride kidnappings. Notice how there is no talk of sex workers here. Just shitty people wanting to control women.

Fuck. I never even knew this was a thing!!

Behold the epitome of male fragility and toxic masculinity. Male entitlement, privilege; and why women need to learn how to fight, shoot a gun and should never ever be nice to men. This was hard to watch.

 

I say to this, don’t you think it’s time we end the institution of marriage? Or regulate it the same way in which the patriarchy wants to regulate women’s bodies? And how about an end to religious practice? It always seems to rear its ugly head in situations such as this. Here is a shorter version of this deplorable, antiquated, male-dominated action against women. Please note: I don’t care if this situation is not in the majority of the countries it takes place. Neither are sex trafficked women/children being forced into the sex slave market at the inflated numbers you have been lead to believe. We also need to dismantle police forces. What is the point of their existence if not to protect ALL its citizens? They always seem to cause more harm than good.

Also, fuck your friends. Bitches are shady. #TrustNoBitch

Respect and honor to be bestowed upon the women that took their own lives to tell men to fuck off.

BH

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let’s talk about how men financially drain women

the myth is that women are gold diggers. while this is true to some regard that a lot of women are out there to get theirs from yours; can we stop acting like men don’t go in for the kill and take a bitch for all she is worth? not just our bodies, when a man decides to use you, they go for our souls.

i’ve been had more than once.

it’s the boyfriends that sleep over all the time and never contribute to the bills or rent. sometimes they have their own places to go to. but if you fall behind, as far as they’re concerned if a bill has to be paid and you don’t have the money, it’s not their problem. this is extremely prevalent among women who receive any form of public assistance: food stamps, subsidized housing, even if that means projects. forget it all if she has kids and gets that earned income credit once a year. the scavengers are out.

i’ve been had by worthless boyfriends excited to eat my food stamp meals, but would be quick to dismiss me as a worthless bitch when shit hit the fan. mind you, they would never contribute to meals but would sit there and have items on the grocery list.

i remember the time my baby daddy told me the apt i went through hell to get by sleeping on cold chairs in a homeless shelter while being pregnant with his baby, degraded by the system, a teenage mother who had to leave the home of my disgruntled mother; enduring mice eating my food i got for me and my toddler son, and taking baths in bathrooms with shit smeared on the walls; said that apartment wasn’t mine. it was the government’s! i didn’t “have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of”. he was about 5 yrs older than me. and if he wasn’t living with me he was going back to mommy and daddy.

then there was Bush, who lived with me for 7 months. and while he was my live-in told people at the office where we both worked that, “just because i’m fuckin’ her don’t mean she my girl.” he was ashamed i was a nude model and former stripper, but that didn’t stop him from sleeping in the bed the government help me get and the subsidized apartment; or from claiming to be paying child support and never had any money. his BM would later tell me he never paid child support. but when tax time came he was happy to go shopping with the money i got for my children, sometimes taking money from me without asking. or eating all the food stamp meals. when he and i broke up, he made sure to let me know i was a bitch “who ain’t got shit. and will never have shit.”

i won’t talk about meeting the overseas men who hear the american accent and think, MONEY! stealing my little money or just plainly watching me pay for things knowing i am low on funds while they look on crying broke.

don’t get it fucked up. it’s also the husbands who do absolutely nothing for your household. some of us have thought that the certificate would make him want to be a provider. it’s either he is or he isn’t.

and back to my baby daddy. one year as i was young and living on my own with the kids for the first time, he took advantage of my ignorance. filed tax returns for both my kids. one of whom didn’t belong to him and he made sure to call a “stupid ass” once upon a time when he was a toddler. he never told me how much money he got back for the kids, just that it wasn’t much. and bought me a $70 microwave which him and his dusty ass mama “split” the cost of. i would later come to realize that he received $8000-$10000 back. the next year when i got hip and my mother had finally done some mothering, i filed for my kids myself for the first time. needless to say, he was PISSED.

i know women after women who have entrusted themselves in men. put their faith in loving them. helped them during difficult times financially, only to be burned by them down the line. one girlfriend i knew helped her boyfriend with $10,000 to help him on his journey to becoming a pro-NFL player. he never did become an NFL player. and no matter what she thought was gonna happen, she never got her money back. in the end, she was called a nigger lover and dismissed by him.

i tell my daughter now, that if her BF is to sleep in the apt she is now looking for, that he HAS to contribute to something. he is not allowed to sleep there without doing anything. anytime i come across a man that plays broke, i remember what my grandmother once said to me, they’re lying. i remember all the countless times i’ve been told by older women that men always have something stashed, don’t believe them when they say they don’t. i’ve also heard this from the men that have cared about me throughout my life.

i think about my 1st pregnancy at 16, and desperately needing sneakers. i asked my now late, first baby daddy, if he could buy me a pair of sneakers: “can YOU buy ME a pair of sneakers!” he scoffed just before hanging up on me. at the time he had just started working a job paying him over a hundred dollars a day.

last year i met a guy overseas. we hit it off well. he was sweet, kind and generous, one night we went out to dinner. when the bill came he looked at it in shock. i took it from him and just covered it cause it was no big deal. the thought plagued me however; why would he take me to a restaurant if he knew he had no money? why didn’t he just tell me he didn’t have any money? that fucked with me for months and was the beginning of my distrust for him.

countless men who haven’t got their shit together find refuge in single women during their time of helplessness. women will, by any means necessary, make things work. one bitch whom i don’t like, rebooted her sex work career when her and her husband fell on hard times, with his encouragement and often times help. when he got sick of her he forgot how her selling sex helped support him and the kids and used her being a prostitute against her to have the courts grant him custody of their children.

countless men prey on women. i am expected, if i decided to seek loving comfort in a man’s arms and he is from a third world country, to come bearing gifts. i am not only a woman, but i am an american one. and if i have small children i am seen as wealth during the spring. my last apt was a 2 bedroom duplex, which one or two men i have tried to date saw as a glimmer of hope when their home lives were unstable.

an interesting lesson i learned from men. interesting because when you enforce this rule with men, they get pretty salty. that lesson was, if a man is not spending money on you, then he is not serious about you. this was my first lesson in whoring even though i was unaware. but it did always confuse me a bit. since i got this message from many of the men in my life growing up, why then were these very men upset at women who either sold sex or would in fact be gold diggers? this is the lesson a lot of young girls are taught. but men knowing this will still get pissed at a woman if she asks him for any kind of cash. regardless of that, it’s true. if he is not going in his pockets he is lying. struggle love is some bullshit. he either gets his shit together or you do what you need to make shit happen without him. of course there are exceptions to every rule. but again, MEN ARE TRASH. men have been using women for their monetary worth since forever. they look at us as a meal ticket, they’re way out. women would in some instances try to sell pussy than try and swindle some guy out of it. i know, #notallwomen

while a man doesn’t have to be pouring money, he should at least be trying to go above and beyond in making sure you are taken care of in this very hard world. if he is not doing above the basics, it’s time to lose him. unless you want to be poor with him and take this ride. it’s up to you. but please let’s stop acting like men aren’t pros at the gold digging game. they do it better than us because to be a man in a man’s world, means power. the only thing is that they can’t quite sell the sexuality like we do. but please believe, if their dicks were as taboo as our pussies and nipples, they’d be charging us triple what we do per hour.

make these scums pay cash money to enter and remain in your lives. you don’t owe them shit.

BH

theme song: Amy Whinehouse, you know i’m no good

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when you fall in love and you’re a heaux

when i first began down this career path (yes i said that) i often heard that “i wasn’t made for this,” a friend and a client assessed. i asked my friend why she said that, and she said because i stop working when i fall in love. the client, one of my first who took advantage of my ignorance, thought the same because, of course, i was so kind and polite and overly generous as a baby whore. i still suffer from my kindness and generosity as i embark on a milestone in this industry:  but that’s because kindness is my nature.

at the time i was being told i was not made for this work because love made me want to focus on my man. or because i was nice, then, like now, it puts a bad taste in my mouth. the idea that a whore should not love is one of the myths that plague us and was ultimately the cause of downfall in my client relationship last year.

to put it to you plainly, stop viewing whores and other sex workers as anything less than human. we are allowed to fall in love. our jobs do not make us any less human than you are when you fall in love with your bosses, teachers, doctors, or over that tired ass nigga that has never done shit for you. when you think of us with this glaring prejudice, it embraces stigmatic attitudes towards us and continues to make our work and lives harder. laws that govern our bodies and our human and labor rights are violated by this attitude that we are somehow immune to being loved and being loving.

[but entitled clients do make us turn into some stone cold bitches. just like any other business, where you learn that you can’t let your customer base take advantage of you so, GAME FACE!]

i thought to write about this because of that fuckin senegalese again. i wrote about him in another post. and i am way too lazy to hunt it down and link it. but the point is that i allowed him to once again piss me off. and while i don’t love him, things he said to me kind of killed my spirit. it made me go into a midday depression sleep. i contemplated my existence, my worth, how i am as a woman; and if being #singleforlife is actually what i want. in other words the nigga killed my whore vibe. mfka told me i was #hardtolove among some other straight BUUUUULLLLSHIT.

womenhardtolove

and this is why i hate men and the power they hold. or how the idea of wanting to find love can be a thorn in my fuckin side. i hate meeting anyone or loving anyone outside of my sister wives because men are TRASH. they ruin everything. i have found that most men i have encountered have done little to uplift me. the best use i’ve had of men have been when i focus on my whoring. in other words, get that money bitch!

love is a distraction, at least for me. when i decide i want to try and give someone my feelings, all i want is that person. and being in the sex industry should not absolve me from these feelings. you mfkz watch way too much TV.  let me say it again, sex is a job. just like when you meet someone and fall in love and all you want to do is spend day and night with them and not want to go to work, it’s the same fuckin thing when you are a whore! where do you people get your fucked up ideals anyway? edit to add: it comes from the patriarchal misogynistic idea that men can fuck women and discard them without loving them. for many men, sex does not equate to love. and whores are unlovable because society in general has sexual suppression. and the madonna/whore complex is still rampant in our culture, embedded via religious ideology. so any woman that can have sex with strangers is dirty. and somehow taking money for sex makes it even more filthy. but mainly, this bullshit idea that SWers can’t fall in love is because the patriarchy views any kind of bold bitch that says fuck the system as an outcast anyway. so stop loving the bitch. and in turn she can’t love you cause she’s really a fuckin robot)

in a perfect world i’d be able to be a whore, make this money, and my man would not think i am dirty or unworthy of being loved because of it. and i’d still be able to love him the same because just as a shrink gives you their mental energy and goes home to their spouses and is able to give them a different love energy, i can do the same while being a sex worker.

but love is a major distraction. and it pains me to want to experience someone outside of work while trying to dominate this industry as an older black woman. the good thing about this last stint at trying to have something with someone (albeit a worthless fuckin liar), is that this time i practiced a little mindful detachment. i liked him just enough to try to hold on, but not enough to not tell him to fuck off and accept his dismissal of me as a gift.

i am worthy of being loved.

and it’s ok if i fall in love and want to tell my work to fuck it. who tf doesn’t do that? who isn’t distracted by the wonders of what a new found potential life or long-term/short-term partner can bring? who hasn’t been mystified by the wonders of new aura, energy and romanticize feelings?

yo, miss me with that i’m a whore so i can’t fall in love shit. sex work is a job title. it doesn’t make us any less human. we love. we have families, partners, feelings, motives. i just can’t fuck with it when i’m trying to survive, because men are trash. and when love shatters, no matter who your partner is, love can be trash too. i legit don’t have time for it. i need to make this money. so to the 2 bums i’ve had to cut loose on my trip around the world, good riddance bitch. i questioned my sanity for about 2 seconds. now let me go suck this dick.

dedicated to blair.

BH

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